we've all become suburban dads, gender, age, and lack of offspring be damned.

how, you ask?

here's how:

GODDAMN SQUIRREL!
GET OFF THE BIRD FEEDER!

that's how.

g. built little walls with sticks he tore off the dying deck.

the squirrel climbs up the railing like a ladder.

in fact he did just that while i typed that sentence, and now he's looking at me through the window warily.

j. throws rocks.

i like squirrels.

get off the birdfeeder!