he forgot.

he fucking forgot that we had plans.

"i'm sorry," he said.

"you suck," i retorted, maturely.

"did you make other plans?" i added, after a silent moment.

"yeah, i'm going over to spasticboy's house," he answered.

[pause]

"oh."

"want me to call you in a couple hours?"

"sure."

"ok. bye."

i hung up the phone and crammed the heels of my hands in my eyes to keep from crying. all that buildup and tension i created in my own mind, and no release. no conversation. no anything. and even if i didn't have all this shit i wanted to deal with, just being forgotten about hurt my feelings quite a bit to begin with.

sure, he apologized. in the plainest, simplest way possible, with very little feeling behind it. are we even friends anymore?

this is messy. i begin to wonder if he really does remember and is avoiding me. i wondered that before. i hate this even more now.

he can call whenever he fucking pleases. me, i'm going to max fish to drink cheap red wine and write. because it's a brightly-lit bar and i can do that there. because i can take out my anger on the pinball machine. because i am going to tell yoyoboy that if stupid filmboy calls, to tell him that i went to max fish to write, and that if it suits him, he can join me. i will be writing regardless.

this hurts. i know it shouldn't, but it does.